Be Yourself

The world would like to change you; there are pressures all around. You must decide just who you are, then firmly hold your ground.
You have an ideal image of yourself, an ideal sense of you; and to this vision you must be true.
You know what you are good at, and you know where talents lie; but if you’re ruled by others, your uniqueness could pass by.
Remember, there is much to learn but all new things aren’t good. Wisdom lies in what you’ve learned and what you have withstood.
So be yourself and don’t allow the world to take control. Preserving your identity is life’s most precious goal.

-Bruce B. Wilmer

In all you do–business and personal–remember, “Who you are is good enough if only you would be it openly.” -Carl Rogers

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Do You Have Woo?

People with Woo love to network, connect to strangers, and “Win Others Over.”  One person I know with Woo was elected to be the event coordinator for a networking organization.  Another person with Woo shared, “I make friends with everybody, all my taxi drivers propose to me.”

If you have the Woo strength, follow these tips:

  1. Take responsibility to help people in new groups connect and feel at ease. You have the ability to lower people’s anxiety and mistrust.
  2. Be sure to choose work that gives you the opportunity to interact with a variety of people. You will become bored in isolation.
  3. Partner with someone who can help you build deeper long term relationships and not just superficial connections. Some people may think you are insincere if you don’t build a deeper relationship.

Would you like to discover your top five talents and strengths?

Call me at 903-819-0301 or email me at [email protected] and let’s discuss how to help you put your strengths and talents to work in your life.

Coaching Points:

  1. What are your strengths and talents?
  2. What are your family or work peers strengths?
  3. Who do you need to partner with to balance out your strengths?
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Flip Your Fear

What’s your deepest fear?  Being alone? Humiliation? For me, it’s been the fear of getting a divorce.  That fear has been fueled by the fact that every couple on my mother and father’s side has been divorced, including my parents.

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Then I learned to FLIP my FEAR. I use and continue to use three of my top five strengths to nurture a stronger marriage. I use focus, achiever, and competition to help me develop a stronger marriage.

Since getting married 26 years ago I wanted to be the first person in my family to break the divorce pattern. I want desperately to achieve a strong, sexy marriage. Sure, I’ve lost focus along the way but I come back to the notion that “love is work and it’s worth working for.”

How can you FLIP your FEAR?

If you fear being alone, why not use your harmony, relator, or empathy strengths to flip your fear into more fulfilling relationships rather than retreating to your cave?

If you fear humiliation, why not use your woo, self assurance, and activator strengths to catapult you through self-doubt and low confidence. Convince people that you can be cool and suck at the same time.

The key is to FLIP your FEAR using your strengths. Go ahead, flip your fear and achieve your greatest success!

Would you like to discover your top five talents and strengths?  Call me at 903-819-0301 or email me at [email protected] and let’s discuss how to help you put your strengths and talents to work in your life.

Coaching Points:

  1. What are my top three deepest fears?
  2. How can I flip my fear?
  3. What are my strengths and talents?

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Big, Hairy, and Audacious

What’s your BHAG?

That’s the question my hero and personal development guru Jack Canfield asked me when I attended his Success Principles seminar.  It stands for Big Hairy Audacious Goal.

When you’re deciding on your personal BHAG, remember to make SMART goals.

Specific
Measurable
Action oriented
Realistic
Time focused

Here’s an example from a business owner coaching client.

I will land 6 new clients at $250 each by February 16th at 5 PM.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” -Mark Twain

My coaching belief is that you also want to write goals for each category of life, not just your work. You can achieved all of your work goals and be very unfulfilled in the rest of your life. True success is bringing your life FULL CIRCLE.

Here is my amazing offer for you:

  • Giving you a worksheet to write all your goals.
  • Guiding you in writing your SMART goals.
  • Brainstorming with you to create action items.
  • Creating a 90 day plan to achieve your goals.
  • Coaching you through the entire process.
  • Unlimited face to face or telephone sessions for each month for your $250 dollar investment.

I only have 25 (45 minute sessions)available each week.  Call now to sign up 903-819-0301.

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Money Can’t Buy Me…

Can money buy happiness?

Every year, millions of people scurry to buy gifts on “Black Friday.”  Add a new shopping to the list of sales holidas–“Cyber Monday.”  The term comes from the hope of putting businesses back in the black.  Cyber Monday is the day when you can get the best deals for online shopping.

The holidays that spur sales like these are emotional times in terms of stress and happiness and people love to give and receive gifts.

We all know that money does not guarantee happiness but it can boost short term happiness.

Want 3 ideas to buy more happiness?

1. Buy experiences

According to Jim Harter in his book Well Being, experiential purchases produce two to three times more happiness than buying an item.  Would I rather get a new flat screen TV or a tee time paid for at Pebble Beach golf course?  Would my daughter rather get a music CD or tickets to a concert?  Would my wife rather get some new jewelry or a vacation to Italy? Okay, maybe that’s a toss up.  However, we both have incredible memories, stories, and experiences from the Italy Christmas and birthday trip I gave her a few years ago.

83% of people remember experiential gifts more than material possessions.  A while back, a friend of mine was taken to the World Series at the Ranger ballpark. He came back to our group and ecstatically said, “Boys I went to the World Series! And my son paid for it.”

For holidays or birthdays, think of experiences you could buy for your family and friends. Maybe a concert ticket, a dinner reservation, a cooking class, a ski vacation, or a train trip. What about a show, a wine tasting, or social event?  Or your experiential gift could be a transformational workshop, retreat, or a coaching package.

2. Buy for others

In an experiment people were given $5 or $20 and were to spend the money each day by 5 PM. They were randomly assigned to give to charity, buy a gift for someone else, or spend the money on themselves.  The people who spent the money on a charity or on someone else experienced more happiness than those who made purchases on themselves.  The essence of healthy retail therapy is not making a major purchase for yourself when you’re sad (66% regret their purchase) but buying for someone else.

3. Buy small indulgences

Many females take care of everyone else around them and are poor at self-care.  That’s why small indulgences such as manicures, pedicures, massages, and other spa treatments are boosters of happiness.  For men it could be paying for that extra valet parking, the shoe shine, outsourcing the Christmas lights or that high end bottle of wine or scotch.

Small indulgences help us live in the moment. Soaking up the here and now brings temporary relief and short term happiness.

This year, when the holidays roll around, give the gift of an experience that will make memories for a lifetime. Give to your favorite charity or a treasured person. Finally give yourself permission to splurge a little and soak up that happy moment. Then you will have oodles of happiness.

Here’s an idea for the next time you have to give a gift–buy a month experience of transformational life coaching with Brent for your family member, friend, or customer. Unlimited face to face or telephone sessions for a month make a great $250 dollar gift.

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Creating Winning Momentum

You can feel it. You can see it. You know when momentum shifts in the middle of a football game, when your business starts to jive, or when your marriage feels alive.

How do you create winning momentum in everyday life?

1. Momentum starts with writing goals.

Goals are dreams in black and white but they are merely wishes if not written down. They will fade and you will forget them if you don’t record them. Notice how when you want an important item at the grocery store, you don’t leave it to chance or memory–you write it down.

On this year’s grocery list for life, what do you want to be? What do you want to have? What do you want to do?

2. Momentum increases by reviewing goals.

Charles Coonradt says in his book, The Game of Work, “Written goals that are reviewed regularly become reality.” If you’re like me, you’ve got your grocery list in your hand and look at it constantly while you’re walking up and down the grocery aisle. When it comes to the grocery store of life, my habit is to have an hour of power first thing in the morning. I read and listen to my success script, strength affirmations, review my business plan, and my 90 day goals.During the day when I feel stuck or lost and losing momentum, I pull out my “grocery list” and review my goals. The more you review your goals, the greater momentum you produce.

3. Momentum produces massive action.

When a jet increases enough speed and momentum, it takes off into the wild blue yonder. It is in flight to it’s destination. When you’re at the grocery store and you find the item on your list, you pick it up, put into the cart, and buy it. That’s massive action. You cross a line through it. Done! What about your goal to double your income, take a dream vacation, or hire a life coach? Creating winning momentum requires writing your goals, reviewing your goals daily, and then taking massive action on your goals. It’s that simple.

So why don’t we do it?

Most of us lose focus. We need someone who reminds us of our goals and holds us accountable to take massive action.

That’s what I love to do for you…

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Dealing With Negativity

Let’s face it, sometimes people wig out.

It could be your teenager, your spouse, or possibly a team member you’re supervising. They can’t handle the no or the not so good news you had to spring on them. They have an emotional meltdown, ranting and spewing all the negatives of the situation.

While teaching a stress management workshop recently, one of the members came up with a brilliant strategy to handle people’s negativity and I think it will work with just about anyone.

1. Validate the person’s feelings

Go ahead and give them permission to feel angry, disgruntled, emotional or negative. If you argue with them about their feelings, you only make the feelings hotter.

2. Give a time limit to expressing negativity

Set a 15 minute time frame for spewing all their negative hostility. After 15 minutes, time for negativity is up. Set that clear boundary.

3. Give the positive behavior you want now

Whatever behavior or situation they’re angry about, give clear direction on what you expect. Share the positive behavior you want and then model it.

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3 Marriage Momentum Mistakes

If you’re doing these three things, you’re killing marriage momentum and increasing odds for divorce.

What are they and what can you do about them?

1. Spewing

Reckless words and nagging criticism that spew out of your mouth to your spouse can feel like stabbing them with a knife and hitting them on the head with a hammer. You say, “I didn’t mean it, I just said those words in anger.” But words pierce our soul and create wounds, hurt, anger, and eventually, hate.

Remember the boy that had an anger problem, saying hateful things all the time? His dad made him go hammer nails into the wood fence for punishment. After the boy was finished, the dad made him pull all the nails from the fence. The boy realized how destructive his words were when his dad said, “Son, that’s what mean words do. They leave holes in people.”

The solution is to learn self-control and share from the heart with tact. There are playful ways to get your point across without being sarcastic. It might be saying, “Rude” like Bon Qui Qui or “Kick me! Kick me! It would hurt less.”

2. Stuffing

Giving the silent treatment, turning a cold shoulder, or stuffing your feelings creates a cold war of indifference. This is sometimes called stonewalling and is just as deadly and destructive as spewing criticism. It’s true that holding your tongue is wise and it’s better to overlook an insult that act out but stuffing is usually a form of hurting your spouse in a passive aggressive way. Spouses who stuff thoughts and feelings need to understand they are feeding a relationship cancer with resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness.

The danger is that you can grow apart by avoiding problems and both of you may begin to quit with an, “I don’t care attitude.” Doing nothing is the fastest way to create a divorce. The solution is to be courageous and realize that open rebuke is better than stuffing your feelings. Learning to give and receive repair attempts is a momentum builder for outrageous love.

3. Sexless

Sex is the thermometer of a marriage. If the marriage is cold there will be very little sex. If the marriage is hot there will be more sex. I know because I’ve been on both spectrums in 26 years of marriage. Women and men both want hot monogamy and making love even when you don’t want to will make your spouse worship the water you walk on.

Remember sex is more than intercourse. It’s frequent touching, tender words, playful banter, lustful looks, deep eye contact, slow foreplay and bursts of flirting. The solution is to keep the sex cooking. Why not have an emotional and physical affair with your spouse?

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What Caterpillars Teach Us About Dreams

If fat furry caterpillars can learn to fly then you and I can achieve our dreams. But how?

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Caterpillars have about 4,000 muscles compared to 629 in humans. The average caterpillar has 248 muscles in the head segment alone. They move by sliding their internal organs forward using contraction of the muscles like a slinky. They move forward and eventually morph into a beautiful moth or butterfly by literally following their “guts.”

How do you and I create momentum to turn from a pest or fat furry caterpillar into a beautiful free-flying creature achieving our dreams?

Simply follow your guts.

Most of us are desperately trying to be someone we’re not. It’s a myth to believe a caterpillar, you, I, or anybody can be anything we want to be. I used to believe this but not anymore. I believe we can be MORE of who we already ARE.

So what are your strengths? What is your hard wiring? Do you have words to describe your guts or signature strengths? Have you designed your professional and personal life around your strengths or are you trying to be someone you’re not? Part of my mission is to help you get clarity on your strengths. To help you communicate your strengths and design your life around your strengths. To sell your self using your strengths.

Brenda Orgel called me with excitement when she got a new job promotion after I coached her to discover and communicate her top five strengths. Your signature strengths are your guts. It’s time for you to move forward simply following your strengths.

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

Image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Creating Spiritual Momentum

 

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In my morning hour of power, I was reading a book by Laurie Beth Jones entitled, Jesus Life Coach. She shared a story how, as a little girl she was struggling with rejection and feeling unloved. She loved ladybugs and told God if He really loved her to please send a ladybug. At that moment, a ladybug landed on her arm. The ladybug became a tangible sign of God’s love for her in difficult situations. Even one winter as an adult she was stranded in a blizzard and she prayed for God’s help and a ladybug blew onto her coat.

Inspired by her stories, I started praying for a visible sign that God could secretly show me his love. One day after counseling a client, I went for a walk around the block to renew myself in the sunshine. I asked God to show me His visible sign of love. At that moment I looked down and there was a rusty nail. Excitedly I said, “Yes that’s it!” Jesus demonstrated His love by being nailed to the cross. I continued to walk and found another completely different nail. Just before I entered the outside building door I discovered a third unique nail–all in a matter of ten minutes. Wow! God confirmed His love in threes. I’m thinking Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! For several years I’ve been collecting nails and placing them in a mason jar. That jar full of nails is beside my bed and is a daily reminder of how much God loves me.

What could be your visible sign that God loves you?

Brent O’Bannon creates momentum for outrageous success. He is known as America’s Momentum Coach for individuals, couples in business, and companies. For more information go to www.brentobannon.com and www.marriedtoyourboss.com.

Image: Suvro Datta / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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